OK Lord, clue me in…………………
OK, I spend what seems like half of my life day dreaming on the train wondering what and why of life, what in the world did He call me to do and why in the world did He figure I was his guy. I have been dwelling on that ultimate question what is it all about, some of it is self pity , some of it is lack of sleep, most of it is the joy I have reflecting on How Great Thou Art.
I was spinning my wheels playing Mahjong tonight, I put my Sunday sermon on the back page and got lost in my music and thoughts. In the depths of John Cowan in my ears I ended up lost in thought.What exactly is Gods plan for my life, deep I know but it is on my mind. Why did He lead me to this point in life, what will He do with me and how can I make sure I do not let my soul miss the boat.
I have spent 32 years in the same grind of a career, spent 31 years married to the same woman, laid down what seems like 12 million miles traveling , where do we go from here. Ok, one more distraction ( Ann Wilson A Hard Rain’s a ‘Gonna Fall) blaring in my ears…..
Ok, I know it is the truth of life, God does have a plan, but my life has detours that seem to be contrary to that plan. Why do I have such a desire to preach and teach yet the doors seem to be most all the time at the very least bolted, not locked ….. All I can come up with tonight is I am in his playbook, He is seeing if I am paying attention, LORD I am…. I reflect on ‘ All things work together……” they are and I understand. But this does not mean that it will make any more sense.
Let’s see, when road blocks come up, what or how do I react. Do I say, God is beating me up, testing me, pressing me. Or is he just trying to get my attention, He HAS.
I think for me it is a control thing, I am a classic type ‘A” let me figure it out, let me fix it, but i know I can not. Surprise ( to me) God has it all in control ! Where would I be if God allowed everything to be in control, no stretching no testing no pressing the limit.
I know it will not be “my will be done’ but His. I can not lay out the perfect game plan , but he HAS, I just need to refocus on that.I need to take the risks, I need to stretch I need to RELY.
I am not the Co-Creator but I am co-responsible though, ( don’t email me the bad Theology 🙂 ) I need to take the doors that are open and bust on through them, I need to run head on into the closed doors in order to be like a weeble, I can be “wobbled but I won’t fall down”
OK, I feel better now ( ROCKING to this one ) and writing this one out…. God has not made me a me a co-pilot on this, He is the PILOT and I am along on HIS journey. He has a plan, I will hang on, I will fear no evil……….